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Im am a fattie i have never been any other way. I have been teased and treated like an out cast, I have spent all my life being sad about the person i see when i look in the mirror. So the question why do i keep my self this way?

I have acheived alot in my 30 years I survived school and went on to become a Hairdresser soon after meeting my now hubbie who i love alot and he loves me, but he hates that im over weight.

 Then came my 4 beautiful kids my pride and joy and my very greatest acheivement to date.

 But stil there is this question why am i fat when i hate it so much? I have done all this without even trying and now i have to fix it. I want to fix my self. Enough of being broken and feeling like a embarrisment to everyone who cares about me.

 I have more to offer my self than this half ass life. I wake up every day with a back ach and no energy. I want to feel beautiful and full of life. i want the energy to enjoy a intamate relationship with my husband and chase after my boys aged 6 and 7 and be a good role modle for my twin baby girls aged 2

I have mooved away from all my family and friends with my hubbys job so i have had alot of time to assess my life. I want to change so much about it. but ill start with small things, I have a goal and that is to feel better by the time i go home to our familys by christmas. Im confident if i feel better i will look better and although im not a shrink i think i need to stop beating myself up to.

I am exerrcising daily now at home and i am trying not to be negative, also i need to stop the binging why i do it??? Im working on that and ill let you know.

But im sure im not alone.

Alieshia

Hi Aliesha,

Welcome to our forum!

There is plenty of advice her to help you along. If you get stuck though, just go out for a walk. At least then you know you're doing something that is going to bring you one step closer to your goal.

Regards,

Ray

Hi Ray thanks for the words of encouragement i will definatly remember that.

Cheers Alieshia

I was kind of proud of myself last night i had ended a day without binging or being depressed. I did 1/2 hr exercise on my cross trainer and i pushed myself hard, it felt good actually. I was listening to so favourite music on my sons mp3 and just went for it. I sweeted and i also suprised myself i didnt think i had it in me.

 Now i know i do there is no turning back. I have also started a food jurnal and i have made my menu plan up for the day. which i think helped me yesterday.

I did feel very hungry though at the end of the day around 4 ish and felt like i was fighting some demons. 4 pm in my house is like the witching hour haha i have 4 children boys 6 and 7 and twin girls that a 2 soi am bathing kids cooking dinner, and listening to 4 cranky tired little people yell at me for food. But i sure do love them.

 any way i am off to the drs this morning with the girls for a check up and i also need to studdy today, but i am going to do my exercise when the babys are having a nap.

My hubby is working from home today so i will be able to have a hand. The boys have Karati on fridays so usually i get take away for dinner as im not home till late and dont feel like cooking but im going to pre cook some tandorie chicken brest and salad so i wont need to cook when we get home.

I also cut out some beautiful dresses id love to fit in to and put them in my food diary along with a little encouragement note for my self to read when the chips are down. I really want to be able to wear a beautiful dress for new years with my hubbie.

 xxooAlieshia

Hi Aliesha,

Wow, your story sounds so much like mine.  I have always been a big child at school but I lost a lot of weight when I finished school and started working, and that's when I met my husband.  After having my three beautiful children I gained heaps of weight and I was at my heaviest I  had ever been.  It was my husband (Michael) who finally gave me my wake up call.  Like you and your husband, we love each other dearly but he did admit to me that I embarrassed him as well.  He started going out with friends and leaving me home.  Because I'd gained so much weight I lost all my self esteem and confidence and as a result I wasn't very fun company anyway.

Long story short, I started walking every day but I didn't really change my eating at that stage.  I lost 10kg of the 20kgs I'd gained.  That was about 2 years ago.  Recently I just decided enough is enough, I can't keep making excuses, eg I'm too tired, I'm too busy, I don't have the right equipment.  So I started searching the net for inspiration and found this site, and its been great for me.  So no more excuses for me.  My husband has been so supportive of me, He went out and bought me an exercise bike, then he found me an elliptical machine.  And when we are grocery shopping he doesn't care how much I spend on food just so long as I'm happy, and I am.  I have lost another 3kgs since joining the site.  It's slow for me but I'm happy with that. Along with losing weight I have gained my self esteem back and so much confidence with it. 

It sounds like you have made up your mind that it's time for you to stop making excuses too.  Well done, that's the first step. All thats left for me to say now is Good Luck.

Take Care, Anna

PS. I also have inspiration hanging on my wall.  I got sent a pair of pajamas from friends in America and I've never been able to wear them.  They hang on my wall so that they are the first thing I see every morning, I am going to wear them.

I didnt get a chance to write yesterday, my hubby working from home he is a programer so he was glued to the computer. I had a good start and felt good from the day befors effort.

I had an appointment with a dr for the kids and they were given a voucher for a free Hungry Jacks kids meal for being a good by the dr. So we whent there on the way home and picked it up. I didnt get anything i felt like it though.

I came home and tryed to get some studdie done while the kids had quiet time and then did 10 min exercise i was feeling kind of angry and a bit down but im not sure why. my mp3 player died on me during exercise and i just fell to pieces. ( so angry at myself)

I then had to take the boys to karati and by the time i came home i cooked dinner and fell asleep on ther lounge.

 I have made myself a pact that i will do better today, to be fair i didnt do all that horribly a normal day for me would have been loads of cordial and grazing all day on chips and lots of bread with butter and stuff on it.

I had no bread all day 2 rice thins with bakebeans for breaky and w white tea with shape milk

Lunch was a tuna salad ( but am tunered out for a few days i have had it to much)

dinner was ment to be tandori chicken but was stirfry insted with 1 1/2 small spring rolls ( not so good)

Today i am taking the boys to seaworld we have lived on the GC for a year and never been to the parks. Shaun is staying home with the girls and working on computer for something different. ( computer nurd )

although im out for the day i will do lots of walking and i will take my watter i always forget to drink i didnt have any fluid yesterday i get so busy and forget. and i will make good food choices today too.

bye for now Alieshia

Its been a coupple of days since i wrote, I think !!! I have been so busy but today is back to routine i just dropped my boys st school after the holidays and i have my first day at home alone in almost two months. Well when i say alone i mean with my 2 yr old twin girls. They are the bomb such good girls i think i am the luckiest mummy in the world.

 I have heeps id like to acheive today but i have two things that are a must exercise at least 1/2 hr on my cross trainer and also eating well.

I have been fairly good over the last coupple of days but didnt keep my food diary. I will get back to it today though as it really seems to help me see where im going wrong.

I am a bit of a neat freek when it comes to the house and am sooo behind on house work but i will live by the rule that ill get to it when i can today as the exercise is too important.

I didnt do any yesterday. The boys and i went to sea world the day before and i walked around for almost 6 hrs my legs were killing me yesterday and i didnt have the energy.

thats all for now

Hi every one, I have started the day well and ended last night with a healthy meal and i did 1/2 hr on my cross trainer. I find listening to my mp3 i am really working much harder and am enjoying it to.

I did on the other hand get a craving for somthing sweet and had 3 pieces of choc coated honey comb (very bad) so as a result i whent thismorniong and got some healthy snacks like tinned peaches in natural juice, low fat youghert, fresh fruit and i hope i will be able to stick to something there if i feel like something sweet.

I will do my exercise tonight when the girls go to bed its the best time for me.