Hey Lou,
Good on you for taking the step to go to a gym. I also have the money issues, but even one visit a month is better than none. The rest of the month you just have to make do if necessary.
There is a footballer I was told about (I dont know his name, dont follow football as such) but he hates gym equipment (think it is the commercialisation of it, but not totally sure on that either) but apparently he does chin ups on a favourite tree branch and uses his kids for weight lifting ie bench pressing a 20kg five year old (i have tried it with mine, she thinks it is hilarious). So anyway, long story short, you can get around the money issues if you really want too.
I am sorry to hear about your mum. Death is inevitable for all of us, but it is always hardest on those left behind and words and thoughts from others can help a little, but it just takes time. If you can use your emotions from this loss to make your life healthier and happier, then you have blessed both yourself and your mother. That is my feelings anyway.
Talk to us and bounce ideas off all of us here, I have only been on here a little while myself, but have so far found it very supporting and motivating (I am building my mental motivation up as well, brainwashing myself by reading what others do and dont, so that when I see a packet of chips I know they are not what I need, or when I have an opportunity to exercise I am going to take it.)
Cheers,
Dollfinn!
Be who you are & say what you feel, cause people who mind don't matter & people who matter don't mind.